I cannot fathom this new fact, that DISNEY just bought MARVEL COMICS.

That's like Chris Columbus taking over on Martin Scorsese's latest.

Oh my gods and goddesses - I just had this vision of all the new superheroes drawn as princesses, and they take down all the old superheroes while wearing glittery tiaras and pink tulle. Kill me now.

Lorrie Moore has released a new novel, though, which balances the forces of good and evil a wee bit to our favor (who is we? you tell me...) and I made a buttload of fantastic cookies.

I will recover from this blow. I will make things all right again.

As therapy for the child's funeral I attended yesterday, I told the SSLP first thing this morning to bring all her children (3 daughters ages six and younger) over for the day so that I could smell them and squish them and hear them laugh and play with my daughter.

Currently, abovestairs, there is crazy screaming jumping and rawking to Kidz Bop 3 (Destiny's Child's "Survivor" really shakes).

I feel much better!!!!!

My 100th post was supposed to be some trumped-up pedantic literary tribute to my favorite books with "100" in the title, but instead I dedicate it to parents who have lost their children.

I have so much respect and love for you. I would not be able to stand up again if I had to suffer that loss.

I ate some fabulous sort of shortbread/scone type deal today with chocolate chips and pecans, and it re-sweetened me - I've actually been laughing all day. This would be a direct contrast to the me I've been the last two weeks.

The male drama I've experienced has been mostly at work, in the form of crazy sexism, superiority complexes and full-throttle tantrums.

However, today I thought of some pleasant male behavior from friends of mine and boyfriends of friends of mine.

For example: my new roommate's boyfriend. Not only is he a worship pastor who swears like a sailor (kick ASS) I heard the story of how she realized that she was going to date him. He came over to her house just as she was starting a facial, and he jumped all over it. He had a headband to push back his long hair, and a homemade facial on his face and her little dachsund on his lap the first time her mom met him. AWESOME.

Another example: my friend's husband. Every Halloween he dresses in his blue '70s Elvis costume (which he wears to work on the day) and hands out candy to the kids in the neighborhood. Everyone knows they have to see blue Elvis. Because he also SINGS.

Yet another example: my Denver friend. He is constantly supportive of my academic pursuits - even when it's giving up on one idea just to plow forward with another. Plus, when we were playing tourists once, we had a bag full of leftovers and our sweaters (it got unseasonably warm) and he insisted on carrying the bag. ADORABLE.

It's these little things that totally do it for me.

So I don't hate men. Not nearly. I've just been bombarded by the men with which I'm work-sequestered and have had no other outside awesomeness to balance it all out.

Fucking MEN.

I'm losing my ability to feel excited about them. They are killing all my hetero urges. And I once had many of them.

The only thing that's saving me on this straight lifestyle deal is something I read yesterday in a story by Sherman Alexie called "War Dances." He says: "Mothers are almost always better men than men are." I'm not saying it's true, I'm not saying it's not true. I just like that this guy has a brain in his head and a penis that he seems to actively use with his wife, who has also happened to bear him some children.

I'm fucking irritated, and have been so for about two weeks. I swear to Hey Zeus Crisco if someone doesn't save it soon for the home team, I'm gonna look into sewing my vagina shut.

I'm trying to turn it around, but fellas - HELP A SISTAH OUT.

I'm not a guy. I'm not a "buddy" or a "pal." I'm not a saint. I'm not a whore either. I'm not a cook, or a housekeeper, or a secretary - I was not created to serve you in any way, in fact - I believe I was created to be an EQUAL. I'm not gonna sit around on hold or pretend I don't want what I want just to make you feel safe and comfortable. I'm not gonna listen to office tantrums or tolerate bullshit orders.

I am provocative. I am powerful. I am a paragon of femininity.

I know this is all confusing for the poor testosterone nation. Fucking deal with it.

Seth Rogen is skinny and fit - what the hell is going on with men these days? I don't know if I like skinny Seth as much.



Plus, Megan Fox is a dick. And she's totally overrated. Now, I like a beautiful woman almost as much as the guy sitting next to me, but she doesn't do a thing for me. Especially when she decides to talk. How could you not kiss Seth Rogen??? He's so furry and Canadian and adorable.

IDIOT.

I watched The Duchess the other day. I didn't expect to like it because I'd heard it was such a dreary story. However, I fell in love with it, in a somewhat similar way as I love the Boleyn saga.

Now, I must add a disclaimer - biopics are a little bit murky as movies, in my opinion. You must either accept that you are watching a fictionalized version of events (meaning edited for the sake of gaining any kind of sympathetic audience because face it - real life just isn't that pretty). So I don't know how historically accurate this particular movie is, but if you look at it as just a story, it's a damn compelling one, wrapped up into a very well-constructed film.

The beauty of the film is almost overwhelming, starting and ending with Keira Knightly dressed up and flounced around as an 18th century barbie doll. She is amazing-looking, and all the layers of clothing and wigs distract attention away from the fact that she's been away from my dinner table way too long. Aside from her looks, I have to confess that her performance is truly amazing. At the beginning of the film, she is all girl. But by the end, she looks a woman who has lived several lives, and learned in each of them that the fairy tale has no comfortable ending unless she learns to somehow live comfortably in it.

Ralph Fiennes is also astounding. I love to watch with a special eye the villainous roles. And I feel strong sympathy for the actors who succeed so well that they are booed as they take their final bow - they should be proud, though, that they've done their jobs so admirably. Not only does Ralph Fiennes play a truly despicable character, he gives that character humanity. I wanted to hate him. He commits treacherous crimes against my gender, most of which are completely unforgivable. But I still found myself forgiving him at the end, against my better judgment. And I thank Ralph Fiennes for his taking on a thankless role and making it a masterpiece.

See it. It's not easy. But it's still somehow a delight to watch.